post inauguration.
Two days after Inauguration Day, I went in for my laser hair appointment downtown. I sat in an hour of stop-and-go traffic, idly listening to a recent Revolutionary Left podcast episode, titled City of Ashes: The Los Angeles Wildfires.
The moment I was ushered in, the doctor said to me in a hushed tone, with pity, “How are you holding up, with the awkward mood going around today?”
I replied with a resigned “Well, you know. We work with what we’ve got.”
His reply:
“I’m glad that you live in California.”
It was all I could do to laugh and not cry, just a little. Here were the two of us, chatting in an operating room in one of the most densely populated queer hubs in the country, and it still feels like the uncertain, murk waters have washed upon our doorstep.
I let him turn up the dial an extra notch, and did not ice my skin so as to memorize the patterns of burnt hair and smoke filling my nostrils with each labored breath.
On the drive home, I passed by a solemn line of cars with their emergency blinkers on, a death march stretched along an unforgiving freeway. It was a desolate journey to make - so too must we all one day bury our dead far, far away from home, a quarter of the gas meter away.
In the midst of busywork, I discovered that the guy in the office has made good on one of his campaign promises: that, for the next four years, I will have nowhere to use my court ordered name and gender change papers.
For a moment, I mourned. Though it was never the end goal, it was my gift to myself for making it this far.
In my discussions with fellow comrades about this since, it only reaffirms what a shitty situation this is, where this country refuses to enshrine our rights so as to easily dangle the carrot of federal recognition in front of our noses. At the end of the day, I am thankful to live in a state where queer people can still publicly exist. I think often of my friends in states that have become more dangerous for them, and I feel a sickness in my stomach.
There are projects and initiatives to combat these measures that I will be focusing on over the year as the bulk of executive orders come into effect. I will do my best to stay safe.
If you are queer and reading this, I hope the same to you.